I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
why do cheetos always look like penises
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
