i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
He kissed a someone with a penis
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
