So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
operation have a gay friend backfired
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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