Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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