He is an equal opportunity slut.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
