Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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