Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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