I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
