Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
