I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
