I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
