Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
