i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Sorry my hands just texted you
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
