am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Ketchup is God's man juice
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
