Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
