Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
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