ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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