Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
