mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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