and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
