I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
