Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
