Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
