If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
