my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
