I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
