Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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