3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
