just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
