i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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