Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
