Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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