Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
