Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
