I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
