I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
