drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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