I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
