I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
