...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
