Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
