a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
