Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
