mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
