I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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