Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
