what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
PS: I just woke up from my shower
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
