He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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