Yo dont text me then not text me
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
