She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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