matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
